My Life's Short Rewind

Whilst waiting for my bill run to complete, I decided to blog about what happened to me last year. Only a few knew the real story so let me lay my cards now.

June 3rd, my 29th birthday, I received an unexpected email from our Company Director, asking me to call him at 3pm AU time for a short meeting. I then told my counterparts in Sydney that I will be out for few minutes or maybe an hour as requested by our boss. I thought, he might just give his birthday greetings, but.. SURPRISE SURPRISE!!! He finally confirmed to me that I got the promotion - Manager for Billing in Manila site! What an awesome gift, and yet he wasn’t aware that it is my birthday until I told him. So yeah, gifts come in different forms, it is not always wrapped in shiny papers! Of course, promotion also means additional work responsibilities, in proportion to your pay rise. Mark that million dollar client! To top it all, my boss asked me to urgently fix my documents so I could go to Sydney ASAP for additional training, and yes, to meet my prospective clients in person.

Colleagues were very happy to hear the news and congratulated me for my success. Working days went by, usual tasks needed to be completed, daily routine as a single woman continued. Until one day, I noticed changes in my body, literally! I don’t know if it’s a woman intuition or perhaps I just know myself very well for me to feel this sort of “guilt”. I asked my bf Diony (my boyfriend for 10 years) to get that pregnancy kit so to have the confirmation as early as possible. Well, I bet you know what’s next, two lines. An angel is slowly growing in my body, my own flesh, my baby.

I cried so hard because of mixed emotions. I’m excited and at the same time horrified imagining my mother’s reaction. I know how much I will break her heart, but deep inside, regardless of me and my boyfriend’s status - I know she will be happy for me.

The day I told her about my situation is also the day I’ve proven to myself that my Mom is full of composure. She did cry, but no matter the distance at that time, I heard the joy in her tone and her eagerness to come back to Manila to take care of me made me so teary as well. A mother’s love is indeed of no boundaries.

The unexpected situation however brought twists and turns on my career path. I am certain that I cannot carry the responsibility, especially the travel required as I was having a very sensitive pregnancy. I once found myself lost, not knowing that I have already fainted in the mrt station. The kindness of my employer helped me decide to admit that I cannot carry on the expected duties. As every normal human would feel, I know I might regret this in the future. What kept me strong is the idea that I am doing this to protect my child, to keep her safe not just for that 9 months while inside my womb, but for the rest of my life - so I am starting now.

My medical condition and my Doctor’s advise resulted to my resignation on the job I’ve learned to love for almost three years. Ironic as it may seem but I know God has better plans that may not be visible yet to me. I allowed Him to guide me and Diony, accepting the fact that we will face challenges financially and emotionally. God never left us. He sustained us with love and blessings. Our capacity may be limited at that time but God provided us our needs. To be honest, it is not easy to budget limited funds but we survived. I had a healthy pregnancy and my baby came perfectly. My prayers were answered. Daphne Annika, born February 24th at past 11pm. My dear friends welcomed her even before she arrived and paid visits while we were still confined. These people defined not just the real meaning of friendship but brother/sisterhood.

Months passed and I lived like a normal housewife, enjoying the late hours baby feeding and singing lullabies. She is so fragile. Her little movements and shy smiles are the best gifts a new mother can have. I am aware though that sooner or later, I will press the career button again. Just when I am ready to face corporate world, I received the confirmation that my boss wants me to re-join to his company. Bonus is, he offered a well deserved compensation.

From then I really believed that good things happen to those who wait and when you ask for something that’s just right, that’s when expectations are exceeded. Some of you may say that I lost the chance to enjoy that business trip abroad, but who knows, if it’s meant for you then it will surely be yours. All you have to do is to work hard and leave a mark in whatever you do. If you want trust and respect then earn it. It takes a while to prove competence but so what, what matters is you know what you can contribute and you can always go back without compromising your self worth and dignity. That is your value.

I have a lot of Access tables opened in my RDC but I’m staring at it for minutes now, not even clicking any of it. What am I doing? I guess I’m the one suffering from separation anxiety. I miss doing those daily chores for my baby especially giving her a bath.

Now, I only have two days a week to do that for her. Sad, I know, but I should look at the brighter side of things. Like being thankful for having a job that will help us couple to provide all her needs. A job that pays me really well. In few months, I know I’ll understand the true meaning of this, especially that I’m ahead planning for our baby’s first event.

Lord, thank you for the countless blessings. You’ve never left me despite my shortcomings. You have remained true to me all these years. To You I return thy glory.

Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance outhow much of ourselves we give away.

Makeover?

As I rush every morning for work, I realized I never had enough time to prepare on how I would look. Honestly, right now, staring at my face on my lil table mirror, I look so pale, no blush on - just a thin lip gloss.

Like a typical career Mom, I always go for the basics - slacks, collard blouses, casual dresses and mostly flat shoes. But I feel like I badly needed a make over. Being a mother shouldn’t lessen your desire to look good and feel good about yourself. Yes, I’m talking to myself.

I must do something.

So many fail because they don’t get started - they don’t go. They don’tovercome inertia. They don’t begin.

This post is the beginning of a new life for me. A year has passed after my last entry. A year of hibernation from my love for writing. But it doesn't stop just like that. That's a year of countless thoughts, too much to accommodate, but nevertheless the perfect reason to continue what I've started.

This is my page and I'm owning my thought bubbles. I am signing back in.